He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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