i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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