I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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