I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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