Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
