unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
