i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
