wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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