Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
