apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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