What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
