can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
