party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
