So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
