fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
