I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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