Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
