This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
