Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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