My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You may now shotgun with the bride
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
