Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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