It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
