Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize