I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize