I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
