She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
