i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
