Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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