I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
