Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Still dying that you shit outside
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize