Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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