I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
