There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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