Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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