Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
