Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
