Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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