woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
