Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
