i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
