I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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