Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
