You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
