Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
