I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think a kid would responsible me up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize