rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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