Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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