i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
