I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
