the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
