Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
