Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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