Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
