just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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