"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I supernannyed him into submission
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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