sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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