That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
