how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
