There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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