I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
