In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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