I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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