Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
