Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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