i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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