well you can't waste a boner
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
