just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
